How To Avoid Being Buried By An Alpha Male - Building Gender Balanced Business

“Flett is a combination of a new man and an alpha male – aware of the unique contribution women make to business (in the age of integrity, authenticity, and relationships), coupled with the very real danger that they might be sidelined by the more aggressive male, without even knowing what hit them. Think ‘The Godfather’ and you get the idea.”

• Don’t offend the alpha male at all costs. According to Flett, they will quietly, slyly and effectively destroy your reputation at work by dropping subtle hints that you are not to be trusted (known as “deep-sixing” someone, a phrase meaning to bury someone six feet under). Flett says the alpha male’s ego is much more fragile than you might imagine, so it’s very, very easy to offend one. Watch out! (Flett provides some examples of the conversations alpha males engaged in to destroy a woman’s career, and shows how they will cover themselves by lacing it with some compliments). The only way to insulate yourself from this lethal weapon, says Flett, is to be someone who brings in the big deals, making yourself an “earner” whom the company cannot afford to lose. Of course, this does not help the many women who work in functional or back office roles such as HR or Communications. But the message is to make sure you have an edge that makes you deep-six-proof.(See below for our abridged guide to deep-sixing, culled from the book.)
• So, don’t go head to head with an alpha male. If he is taking credit for your work, well, accept it as part of his nature. The trick is to make sure he rewards you appropriately with promotion if your work has helped to elevate him. And, according to Flett, he knows he needs you! But also be ready to jump ship if things don’t work out well on a big project. You will definitely be saddled with the blame as Mr Alpha Male rows very hard in the opposite direction.
• Remember that men are very unsure of how to approach women in the workplace, lest they find themselves at the wrong end of a sexual discrimination lawsuit. So, you may need to help them understand how to communicate with you, thereby relaxing the unseen tensions in the gender relationship.
• Be true to yourself, don’t act like a man to get on. Flett says, “If you do, you will blow the opportunity to lead and to educate us (men) on the proper way of doing sustainable business.”

These are the main pieces of key advice you need to bear in mind. Flett’s book provides some great insights into the language and rituals of the alpha male. For example, you can tell where he stands on the alpha male totem pole if you look at his watch. A Timex means he is “mud” (alpha male speak for people below them) while a Patek Philippe denotes a big player. They notice these things and they care about them. So, you’d better too.

Flett is a combination of a new man and an alpha male – aware of the unique contribution women make to business (in the age of integrity, authenticity, and relationships), coupled with the very real danger that they might be sidelined by the more aggressive male, without even knowing what hit them. Think “The Godfather” and you get the idea.

So, buy the book and be primed. At worst, it’s a few hours of your time (but an entertaining read). At best, it could save your career!

Flett says: “We like to use the deep six because it’s effective, it comes without warning, it can’t be traced back to us, and it totally neutralizes the person. It is so powerful that it can actually follow someone from career to career, and many recipients of the deep six don’t even know about it.”

Why is it used? When an alpha male is embarrassed, criticized, undermined, plotted against, bad-mouthed or at the receiving end of any activity they find offensive.

What is it? The deep six is the “polar opposite of the business endorsement”. The victim is effectively black-listed.

Flett says: “When a man deep-sixes a woman, he doesn’t show any emotion, he doesn’t recruit the support of others, and he doesn’t do it in front of the target. He waits for the perfect time and then launches his passive campaign to discredit and undermine the person.”

Further ways an alpha male will discredit a woman:

• Give her work she won’t be able to accomplish
• Send her to meetings unprepared
• Encourage behaviours and actions that will sabotage her reputation in business

How to avoid being deep-sixed

• Become so powerful you are immune to its effects
• Best way to do this is to become “an earner” for your company. If you bring in deals you become an asset and insulate yourself from the deep-six.

Flett’s guide to the things not to say to alpha males

• “I wish that meeting would have finished on time” (They hear, “You suck at running meetings”)
• “I’m surprised that client didn’t come in” (They hear, “You can’t pull the trigger effectively”)
• “I’d like to help you on something” (They hear, “You suck and need someone to pull your head out of your ass”).

Source: Flett, Christopher, V., What Men Don’t Tell Women about business – Opening Up the Heavily Guarded Alpha Male Playbook (John Wiley, 2008).

Schrijvers, Joep P.M., The Way of the Rat: A survival guide to office politics (Cyan, 2004).

This neat, well-written little book by a Dutch former consultant tells it how it is in the corporate jungle. The place is packed with danger as the rats, the players who use rodent-like cunning and ruthlessness to protect their positions while undermining others, vie for power. Schrijvers does not use the term alpha male, but the likeness is uncanny. Hopefully, one day, the workplace will become more ordered and civilised and fair. But until then, this is not a bad book to accompany Flett’s more recent offering. Like Flett’s, it is a darned good read as well.